My First List - Things were better when...

Is there anything more susceptible to parody than the image of the old man lecturing a kid about how different things were "when I was your age" (I mean besides the Kardashian sisters)?  And is there anything more cliched in internet-land than lists (I mean besides bad grammar and pictures of kittens)?

When the idea for this post occurred to me, at first I rejected it.  It seemed like painting a picture of a canned ham in a cornfield, on black velvet.  But I needed something to post, and sometimes you just can't avoid the black velvet painting moments in life, so here it goes...

Stuff that was better when we were kids

This is Tonka Chuck.  Be afraid.

1. Tonka Trucks   I had the full set growing up.  Crane, excavator, dumptruck, I think I even had a grader, and they were awesome.  They were made of stamped steel and you could actually use them to, you know, build stuff.  So when I walk through the toy aisle at Target now, and I see that thing grinning at me, with its soft plastic corners and happy eyes, it just makes me sad.

2. Computer Games  So, yes, the internet is awesome.  Graphics, sound, interactivity, all of that jazz, has come leaps and bounds since I hunched in my parents' basement playing Battleship on the old Tandy 1000.  None of that can be denied.  But nothing has yet, nor will ever, surpass the simple perfection that was the original Oregon Trail.  That is all.

3. The NBA  This one's not even a contest.  I will refer you to the following:



This is now.



That was then.



I don't even have to write an argument here, the expressions do it for me.

4. Board games  This one I think has more to do with my perceptions than any actual changes in the games themselves.  Remember when you could play twelve games of Connect Four in a row and not get bored?  Or Chutes and Ladders?  Or Candyland?  I've been playing me some Chutes and Ladders lately (yes, I have small children, why do you ask?) and let me tell you, once you've mastered the whole counting to a hundred thing, the suspense really goes out of the game.

There are exceptions, like Chess and Trivial Pursuit, but ultimately the pleasure of those derives from the superiority you feel when you win, rather than being happy just to be playing the game.  Nostalgia wins on this round.

(On a side note: I feel compelled to speak out here about the absolute travesty that comprise the Trivial Pursuit spin-off games, like Nineties edition, or Video Pop Culture.  Those are complete cop-out versions, and have no place in anyone's gaming cabinet.  My objection, of course, is wholly due to the fact that I can't dominate those versions like I used to the original Trivial Pursuit.)

5.  Playhouses  It pays to have awesome parents.  When I was a kid, my dad spent a weekend framing, siding, and roofing a two-story playhouse.  It sat on a cinderblock foundation, had windows upstairs and down, and had an actual floor and real tarpaper shingles.  For comparison, my daughter has this, squatting like an incontinent cat in the sandbox outside:

It doesn't have a floor.

The answer is clear: I need to buy more power tools.....I guess some things are better as an adult.